How to Turn Your Partner Down for Sex. Egyptian Revival Font Free Download. There are plenty of perfectly normal reasons for not wanting to have sex when your partner initiates youre exhausted, youre distracted, you have other things you need to do, youre just not in the mood. Unfortunately, most of us arent very skillful at turning our partners down. Were kicking off Sex Ed for Grown Ups with a reality check on whats normal, sex wise. Take aRead more Read. Even in the best of circumstances, getting turned down for sex stings. In a long term relationship, getting turned down repeatedly can eventually lead to resentment. Creative Invitation Card Vector Free Download. In some relationships, the resentment can grow to the point where it starts to destroy the relationship. The stakes are high. So its important for us to get it right. A while back, I wrote an article about how to initiate sex in a way that will make your partner want to say yes. Today Im sharing tips for turning your partner down for sex in a way that will actually bring you closer together, not tear you apart. Acknowledge Their Initiation. Initiating sex always makes one feel vulnerable. Youre putting yourself out there and asking for what you want. Youre also putting yourself in the position of being turned down. As a sex therapist, I hear from innumerable couples who struggle with sexual compatibility. OneRead more Read. When your partner initiates, take a moment to acknowledge the invitation. The initiation may feel bothersome to you in that moment if youre not in the mood, but its important to appreciate their vulnerability. Dont ignore their invitation or pretend you didnt hear them. YQCXsQOhs/S8XUS0KiTxI/AAAAAAAAAHE/fgfWfhYBOsQ/s1600/missingpersons134451.jpg' alt='Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rarity' title='Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rarity' />Check out these 10 commonly mispronounced words that make you look like a fool in front of your friends and family. Photo illustration by Elena ScottiLifehackerGMG, photos via Shutterstock. There are plenty of perfectly normal reasons for not wanting to have sex when your partner. Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rare' title='Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rare' />Just say something simple like, I appreciate you asking or Im flattered that you want me right now. Then proceed to some of the other steps Ive outlined below. Dont Mock Their Desire. Your partner is occasionally going to initiate sex at times when you cant possibly imagine anyone being interested in sex. Maybe you just put the baby to bed and you have vomit in your hair and poo on your hands. Or maybe you just got back from a hard run and are sweating in places you didnt even know you could sweat. No, you dont need to feel like a weirdo or worry about your health because you arent gettingRead more Read. Try your hardest not to blurt, You want to have sex NOW Are you kidding Not only will your partner feel rejected, theyll also get a nice side serving of humiliation. Actually Consider Their Invitation. Even the most sexually compatible couples rarely want sex at the exact same time. There is an extremely high likelihood that youre not going to be interested in sex the moment that your partner initiates. For that reason, its important to give yourself some time to consider whether or not youd like to be intimate. The phrase scheduled sex evokes dread for most couples. Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rarlab' title='Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rarlab' />We have the idea that sex is alwaysRead more Read. Here are a few ways to do that Ask yourself, Am I open to seeing if I get turned on Or, Am I open to connecting with my partner right now These questions make it clear that you dont need to be turned on right in that moment. You just have to be open to the possibility of it. Give yourself more time. Say, Give me ten minutes to finish up this email. Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rarest' title='Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rarest' />Missing Persons Rhyme Reason Rar FileOnce Ive got this off my mind, Ill be able to see if Im up for it. If youre not sure, thats not a problem. You can always tell your partner, Im not sure how Im feeling. Im down to start making out and see where it goes. If you dont end up getting turned on, you dont have to keep going. See If You Want to Do Something Else. Most couples get into routines read ruts when it comes to sex. Italian Espresso 1 Cd Download. They do the same things over and over again. If your partner initiates with you, you probably think of the same old boring routine you always fall into, and it probably doesnt sound particularly enticing. This is a great reason to shake things up in the bedroom, but thats another article. Ever wondered what freaky or non freaky stuff your partner is into, but are too afraid to ask Or Read more Read. When your partner initiates, its an opportunity to see if theres something different you might be interested in at the moment. Lets say you and your partner typically default to intercourse. In that particular moment, maybe you dont want to have intercourse, but you wouldnt mind talking dirty while your partner masturbates. Suggest that instead Even if you dont want to do anything sexual, you can still spend some quality time being intimate together. Give a Reason. To be clear, youre allowed to say no to sex for no reason in particular. Its your bodyyou get to decide what you want to do with it. But hearing a specific reason why youre not up for it in that moment can soften the blow for your partner. If they understand that youre stressed out about your upcoming presentation, or worried about your moms health, theyll be more understanding and less likely to get their feelings hurt. Giving a specific reason also helps you start to develop a better understanding of when you are and arent open to sex. Ill talk about this more in a moment. Turn Down Sex, Not Your Partner. Giving a reason also helps your partner recognize that youre turning down sex, in that particular moment, for that particular reason. Youre not turning down your partner. Like I said, getting turned down for sex is always going to sting, but its nice to feel that distinction. If your partner seems bummed, you can even make the distinction clear. Say, Im turning down sex right now, but Im not turning down you. You can also frame it in terms of your ability to be present for your partner. Try something like, Id really love to connect with you right now, but my head is swimming after this bad review at work, and I know I wouldnt be able to stay present. I dont want you to feel like youre trying to have sex with someone who isnt there. Communicating your sexual wants and needs is an important part of being in a relationship, but its Read more Read. Set Your Partner up for Success. If you can get into the habit of giving specific reasons why youre not interested in sex, you may start to notice patterns. Share that insight with your partner. Say something like, Ive noticed that Im much more open to sex when were just getting up in the morning on the weekends. Or, Ive realized that energy plays a big role for me. By the time we get to the end of the night, Im just too tired for sex. But if you were to initiate with me when we first get home from work, Im not as tired then and might be more game. Address the Imbalance. In almost every relationship, one partner has a higher sex drive than the other. That partner usually winds up doing the majority of the initiating. It can be really helpful for the two of you to acknowledge that imbalance. Say something like, I realize that youre the one who usually does the initiating. I imagine that can be pretty challenging for you. That simple sentence can go a long way. Even if youve been with your partner for a long time, it can be embarrassing and sensitive to Read more Read. If you dont tend to initiate very often, try to challenge yourself to initiate more frequently. Being in the position of being turned down gives you more empathy for what the experience is like. Theres no getting around it this is hard work. Sexual initiation has a way of stirring up our oldest and deepest fears and vulnerabilities, and magnifying even minor discrepancies in sex drives.